i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
