tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
