So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
