The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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