I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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