Three words: puerto rican gang bang
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
