In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
