Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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