i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
