so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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