Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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