I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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