Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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