I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
