GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i dont even know how to be here
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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