Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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