A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
