They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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