it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
