So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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