you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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