I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
