Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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