What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
