We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
