Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
