you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
