if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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