I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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