he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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