we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
