In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
