If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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