My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
