I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
