In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
