I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
