we're blogging at a bar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
