Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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