If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
