i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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