you guys were way drunker than both of me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
