I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
