just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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