she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
