She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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