So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
