I think im going to throw up on grandma
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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