Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
