Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
