Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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