hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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