I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Randomize
