I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
